1.
Make sure that you post lots of memes about the
way that you are. Particularly memes that talk about how you’re happy being
single, smart, sarcastic, or how down to earth you are. Your real friends won’t
be able to see past the mask that you are so desperately trying to wear. It doesn't matter, internet
friends are more important anyway. Money, cars, and meaningful relationships
pale in comparison to the joy of someone liking your status.
2.
Be sure to post edgy statuses or tweets about
how bad ass your views on life, religion, or politics are. After doing so, make
sure you put down everyone that doesn’t agree with you. The best way to get
someone on your side is by insulting them. Usually they will instantly see the
error in their ways, and eventually they will even thank you for calling them
an ignorant fuck who doesn’t understand the way the world works. Typically,
productive conversation comes after you call someone a libtard, religious
zealot, or a faggot. Asshole works as well.
3.
Make lots of statuses about how stupid other
people are. Remember, you are the only person in the world who has ever had an
intelligent thought. Anyone who disagrees with you is probably a fake ass bitch,
but not you, you’re the realest motherfucker around.
4.
Also, it is important that you constantly remind
the world about how special you are. No one will ever know that you are special
if you don’t post about it on social media. Memes of other people’s ideas are
usually the best way to show the world just how much of a unique and special person
you are. Remember, worth in real life stems from worth on Facebook.
5.
Post about the results that you have been
getting from your latest work out. Everyone is dying to hear about it! Plus,
you will get tons of likes once you have 6 pack abs, 22 inch biceps, and when it’s
no longer possible to tell if you have a neck. Outward appearance is by far the
most important thing in this life. Working out is way more important than finding
meaning in life, and all the likes you get will hide how insecure you really are.
6.
Whenever you are having fun make sure that you
post about it on Facebook. When you’re at the game post about it on Facebook.
When you’re on a romantic night out, post about it on Facebook. If it’s not on
Facebook did it really even happen?
7.
Also, don’t forget to air your dirty laundry
about your ex on Facebook. It shows that you are willing to take the high
ground. It’s also best if you break up over Facebook too. We no longer need to
hurt each other’s feelings in person, and it is much easier for the other
person to handle if you simply break up with them on Facebook. We no longer
have to have the awkward break-up conversation in person. We have the internet!
8.
Remember to like all of your own statuses. If
you have a twitter, create an alternate account where you can retweet yourself.
You are special, smart, and awesome. Everything you do is way more important
than anyone else in the world. Plus if you don’t like your own statuses, how
could you ever expect anyone else to like yours?
9.
Make sure that you make tons of jokes about
Mondays, coffee, and drinking on the weekends. It’s what makes you an
individual, like for real. No one else does those things.
10.
Finally disregard friends who are telling you
that you’re spending too much time on Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram. They might think you’re a
social media whore, but who cares? That selfie you just posted nearly has 100
likes.
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